That was me trying to type on my blog in my beautiful new home with no blinds and the light from the night as if some massive space ship had landed and parked next door was unbearable...
If you read Lotus Land healing from trauma you got a hint of somewhere beautiful I was resting but now that I am back in NYC full time and I turned down 2 weeks in paradise to restart my life...
I have donated blood although sleeping little, started weightlifting again to feel strong, "urban jewelry" that says "don't //// with me" and my mind and body feel pushed to the extreme and it seems like I have lost a lot of hair on the top of my head.
Time to do headstands again, rest as much as possible....the horrible trauma that went on to long effected me in ways like 9-11 where I couldn't focus -- no movies, I haven't seen a film in so long...just can't sit that through them so that gives me a clue I am still in trauma mode -- being back here stirs it up and being away for the first time makes me realize how disturbing it is to just walk down the street in NYC where you can see the saddest events, you can see it all and see things you can't imagine at all.
I have had so little rest...my head hurts, I have the post 9-11 throat burn, can't imagine making art or writing...need to find the reset button and I realize I do love my home. Let us see if I will have a room with a view or the "stop work order" gifts lifted and instead of a room with a view I have a room with a brick wall. Only in New York could someone build an apt with the terrace being the largest part knowing a building was coming up walling it in. Why? When I asked the young sales agent that must be making a large amount of money over and over are you sure my view won't be obscured and I can't deal with construction after what felt like the murder of the historic St. Ann's and the 7 day a week build and she so "No" and she had to know what I didn't, the sliver was not part of our property.
I have to hit the reset button and focus on the positive and there is so much that is positive. I need rest as much as possible and to get social -- social contact. I can't seem to really read much, long for a book to take me in and take me away.
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