moving and a developer, another horror

I had to move after 20 years and it wasn't just the evil empire NYU destroying St. Ann's and the 7 day work week and late nights of the construction but something as evil and possibly related and equally horrible.

You think oh, I had a studio in a coop -- wow -- wrong -- it was hellish selling, hellish moving and thanks to community members all over the East Village, West Village and Soho that helped me and some generous souls still are holding my items.   I haven't settled in to my new home but again I am thinking of leaving.  I haven't healed from the trauma that led up to all of this but I am better.  I felt like Julia Roberts in that movie except it had nothing to do with an intimate partner.

So I bought into a very small development that fits the community not dominates it.  I don't have to worry about huge old rotted water pipes busting over head -- 5 flights up -- yup -- it happens in buildings as well as in front of them...but I have now come up against a new horror story ala developer that maybe I could have avoided if I had a friend with me that had some savvy but I didn't. 

A person I thought was a friend had put me down probably out of jealousy and than relegated me to a "beautiful life" and it is anything but.  Moving is trauma and it looks like I will have to move again.   It isn't just tenants in rentals, the city has become hellish for anyone who is not mega rich and cannot afford a posse of lawyers to boot.

I am not going in to details of why I left except it was a horror story and one aspect involved going to the precinct more than once and filling out complaints so I am not going in to details of the past or the present for right now because I have concerns but if there is  a bio on my life this past year or few years are a shocker.  

There are moments where I hit these intense lows -- being displaced and how unsafe I felt...and I think of the mosaic of people that gave me some support and I came to a "safe place"...and still when I think of leaving my safe place it hits me and I get emotional.  So grateful to people that did help me.  I live to give but I needed people to help me.

I am waiting for this "beautiful life"...can't wait.  I just would like to feel happy.

I am learning I must focus on the "now" as in the present and be grateful for every moment in my life where there is something positive or beautiful like the trees above me in Tompkins Square Park and the loving exchanges that happen...NYC can be very upsetting but there is also a constant stream of beautiful humanity of all backgrounds,  so diverse  we all experience...and this is part of a beautiful life. (Even some baddies I have met have showed me some of their "beautiful") Everyone wants to be loved feel love.  In times of great upset we know we think of loved ones...love.  I don't think mega rich people are bad.  I did fear wealth as something bad and corrupting but there are good people that are rich too.  It is just some rich people constantly pat themselves on the back for helping out less fortunate and in Tompkins I see poor people help out poor people and there are no award dinners. 

I love my neighborhood and community.