today's my birthday, woke up so tired so many random thoughts

I made it to 46 which seems ancient.  The NYC community crushing development and all the upset including what feels like corruption, what feels like mafia but it feels like they kid themselves they are not like the mafia--- took it's toll on me.  I use my writing, art making process and now this blog to cope as part as the art process which is cathartic. 

On the people that think they got away with what ever whether it be on what I call "street" level or the other "greed level"  I  keep thinking of karma serving a bad guy a double helping and I know he has no guilt or remorse for anything he has done and to so many --- until he does right by me regarding an art work of mine.  He like so many felt he was above the laws and karma would never get him and it took over a decade but justice was served.  People think haha, ladeda, I got away with it or worse they are self righteous and in a state of permit denial but every dog has their day.  It has nothing to do with wealth because the arrogance of thinking you are above the law or operating below can be found in the poorest and the richest and they kid themselves they got away with it and they didn't. 

I do believe this year is the "The fall of arrogance" and more scandalous falls are too come.

NY has become oligarch central.  Read below about asking for a 3 dollar refund from the city.  Ugh.    On to other topics.

My body is so tired and I crave cheese.  There is no way I could donate platelets.  I know the city is in dire need of donations so donate if you can.  I can't.  I am too tired and my body must need iron and calcium because I want cheese, salt and I always need iron.

I feel my art deserves recognition and I could fill the  Gug and wow an international audience.  The larger  canvases challenge the viewers space, are in your face and are a different experience up close about charged surfaces and there is more for the over achievers.   Posers just look for shock value and gimmicks.  Ugh.   I prefer being famous after I am dead so I can enjoy it.   

I would like to run for mayor so I can have all those big handsome body guards like the ones mayor Bloomberg has.  Do the taxpayers pay for his body guards?  (I know that answer and this is me being playful.)

We pay the mayor a dollar, we paid dollar bill dan doctoroff a dollar, do we pay amanda socialite city planner a dollar...?  Can we get a refund.  That would be 3 dollars toward our budget crisis.  The city and our country are always in a deficit.  If you don't believe the city is in trouble you haven't looked at the streets, the fire hydrants so many missing caps some stuffed with litter, trash cans filled to the brim, just a hint there are 2 New Yorks and you all know my theory on infrastructure breaks, more are coming.

I came up with the idea for NYPD tv before I read Jack Maple's book.  Maple was a character but an Olympic spirit when it came to policing.  He came up with the idea for perp tv.   My idea is an NYPD tv station, 24 hours 7 days a week that includes community outreach and resources, safety tips, etc. and of course perp tv is part of it.

I have some bad boy imagery in my bedroom and that is the teenager in me but I also have a strict parent in me who can't wait until I put all my bad boy imagery away.  In the meantime I keep my Jack Maple book near by although I think he went through a bit of a bad boy stage too but before he died he got it right and married someone who loved him and that is a good way to go.

Favorite Yankees, Babe Ruth and Thurmon Munson.  I love the stories of Babe but Thurmon Munson is my favorite Yankee that I saw play but on tv.   I do have his autograph, the entire team on a baseball and I didn't lose it in the move but I didn't take it to my new place.  It is faded but readable.

I want my short stories made in to films.   

Another random thang: I was in a rush after I left Anna Lise to get to Apple Soho and for some reason I did something which made my iphone fly out of my hand and way up in to the air.  I did not see where the phone went.  I just shouted out "Did anyone see where my phone went?"  This young Mexican man on a bicycle found my phone for me on the street in front of him.

The phone is part glass and it didn't break... I thought the young man was pretty amazing and my pinch hitting angel.

So tired and I am not sure where I will be in a few years?  Here or move, move where?  I wanted a garden and I just feel bad, I spent what felt  obscene   for a tree rather than get the garden I was going to because I got upset about things in the now and it also brought me back to NYU mega destruction and the "other" which all my friends know about so I told the plant place forget the garden and I picked out one magnificent tree.   I want to my tree with me rather than leave the garden behind.

I love this tree and I hope to liberate it to the outdoors where it can grow to enormous heights and flower and I will be liberated from all this urban stress and upset, free of even wanting justice for me and for the world, free.