post traumatic stressing

4:54 am -- getting closer to "closing time" and the final move -- closure -- the place that was my home for 20 years in the East Village...I can't tell you details but something has stirred me up -- I am post traumatic stressing at this early hour.  I feel all kinds of emotions and I have so much to say as usual but this time I am not for "reasons".

 

closing time

I am far from  alone

 "closing time"

 as so many people make the exodus -- by choice or not by choice...

under duress like I suffered or  even far worse.  

closing time

My move had nothing to do with foreclosure and it is sad because I listened to one American, a Dad, older than me with a teenager and the house is gone.  Yes, I now have lawyers.   I am still learning the law.  I have to call the precinct and ask them the law.  I am still learning what falls with in criminal law and what falls with in civil....the law seems vast and it seems to me criminals, lawyers and the police are the only people that seem to know it.  Everyone I talk to does believe in karma... justice will be served...everyone I talk to really believes justice is served but we do not get to witness it and it doesn't necessarily happen in a time frame that is speedy but it does happen.  I am not one of those people that jumps up with joy when  I do get the telephone calls, by the way, you weren't the only one, this time around.....   More than once I have witnessed what everyone seems to agree.... karma does in fact circle.  

My favorite American Indian store is Common Ground but another store was preparing for closing time just like me so I bought some magical pieces from them from 3 different tribes.  Two have "bear" themes and one bear I am giving to a friend that mystically appeared in my life and makes me happy.  I am giving him the bear  to express my gratitude.    Peace and happiness are the priority.  The stress and upset really took it's toll on me and I was doing a national press circuit on tv with my yoga teacher for her book.  The last one for me was Rachel Ray and they only showed me for a mili-sec but my inner beauty switch was one.  My face right now looks like that Sharpee the wrinkle dogs but I don't care.   I know better than to compare myself with actresses and models that have been "airbrushed" or have the big bucks to make themselves younger using high tech options although it would be delightful to do so if I had the big bucks.  I think of the American Indian imagery of the animals and their meanings...I got an inexpensive watch at the store with bear paw prints  and the sun framing them.  In one interpretation the bear means healing but there are many.  I love my new watch but I also know not to hold unto it....it is all temporary.

I keep wondering if it is time to really leave NYC or just take a break.  For now I am here to stay but taking a break, closing time is near.  I find myself post traumatic stressing and upset.  So many of my neighbors have left.  Now me.   I wish I had left sooner, left when they left...  Many Americans are leaving their homes because they don't have a choice and that is heartbreaking.  I also really feel badly for all the families with their loved ones away from home because of the war or worse that are never coming home.

My zodiac sign is "cancer" so my friends say it makes sense I would feel the way I do because cancerians  are homebodies.  I adopted these 2 cats and where ever they are is my home for now.

I want to stay in NYC.  I want to leave NYC.  I love NYC.