I started my day at 3am so I am so exhausted and the middle photo of the fireman and the angel have a reflection of a tree obscuring the image but it looks like the fireman is holding a small child. Like I am said over tired. I have seen this motorcycle around and I am sure it will make the trip downtown tomorrow that I will not.
My jacket with patches and pins is in the Sept. 11 Museum and this patch is on it but for some strange reason I believe there is an added bit of sewing so it looks like a cross is in there...not sure but I think so...
My jacket was shown to a group and they were deeply moved the curators told me. I guess because the jacket honors our front line rescue workers including an NYPD patch front and center that a very old man in the subway said to me wear that patch with pride...well now it is in a better place and moving people that have seen it because it talks to them and also represents them...everyone who volunteered or did something from all over the world even if it was sending a prayer and good will...
Tonight I can see the two beams of light kissing the Heavens....so sad, sad heart, still difficult to wrap one's mind and heart around.
I made art, after 9-11 all my art works were very small and portable to be carried with me or handed to someone as a gift...no price... no dollar value from the heart and than I started writing stories and making paintings....
When I think about something I have lost like my Grandparents and parents rings that were either stolen by someone I thought was a friend or I put away in a place so safe I can't remember when I sold my home and most under very traumatic circumstances, I tell myself it doesn't matter after seeing the Towers burning, seeing people crying on the streets, their car doors open, listening to their radios...people walking up looking like sooty snow men, people lined up at the hospital to volunteer or donate blood but their services weren't needed.
I am exhausted, more exhausted than I ever imagined. I can't donate my platelets and white blood cells anymore...just too run down. I foolishly let very ignorant sick people waste my energy and worse...
The wounds are still open, people still grieving and the WTC remains an open wound literally. So said there have been insensitive divisive uncool things going on preventing people from mourning and moving towards some kind of peace any kind of peace.....
I am glad I won't be down there. I spoke to a teenager who told me her Dad, a Viet Nam Vet went down town to help recover bodies...I said body parts more likely, very, very brave and good of your Dad.
I remember the NYPD detectives that became pinch hitting guardian Angels escorting the dead from the WTC site to the morgue they set up by NYU Medical Center...I remember the tents. I remember when the than mayor, Rudy Giuliani tried to tell the FDNY they could no longer send trucks down to pick up their dead - sometimes it was just the smallest piece of DNA but it was something....of course Rudy lost that battle.....
I think sometimes of people that have done some very evil things and I can't help but think they will burn in Hell with Osama Bin Laden but it is better to not care and know they are their own worst punishment on Earth and I do believe people get justice served just not in a time frame that we would like. The best is not to think of bad people at all.
I was a great athlete so I stayed away from motorcycles but after 9-11 my knees were shot and so were my concerns. I even got a motorcycle license.
I wrote the short stories I made in to podcasts after Sept. 11 and they helped me -- writing them and making art....the motorcycle story was really about white collar crime -- Wall Street and I was so a head of the game talking about how much white collar crime above the radar cost tax payers.....
I look at the large rays of lights reaching up to Heavens, kissing the clouds, reaching beyond and of course and you look and see what is missing -- what is not there and all the loved ones lost....
